A Permanent Smile

So you know that other reason that I was maybe going to share -- maybe! -- as far as why the C-section is a pretty good choice for me?

Well.  Here it is!

Chris was just hired at an awesome new job.  Better than awesome.  Excellent.  It is everything we have been praying for since Chris lost his job in August 2010.  I've been bursting at the seams with excitement (and some anxiety that such great news was too good to be true) since last week when he got the verbal offer and today, the written offer came in.  

The biggest news -- a 30% increase in salary!  Hello, accelerated debt repayment, which means we can move back out on our own sooner while still meeting our financial goals.  More vacation time.  More growth potential.  And the medical benefits can only be described as out of this world.  I’ll be having a C-section -- surgery, more anesthesia, longer hospital stay -- but our portion of the bill will still be less than 10% of what we paid when I had Averie!   

Even when Chris got hired at StorageCraft, it didn’t feel like the job.  I tried to convince myself that it was, and that those niggling thoughts about all its imperfections were just residual disappointment from other, admittedly better, jobs not panning out.  But really, I think I knew all along it was just a stop-gap because we literally could not go on any longer without some sort of income. 

There is just no denying that this is THE job.   

For so long, I have felt like we weren’t living our lives.  We were just surviving.  Just had to get through another day…another week.  It has been difficult to keep our heads up and put on a happy face when I felt surrounded by only disappointment, but I see so many good things on the horizon for us now.  Financial stability.  No anguish over how to pay for medical treatments for my MS.  A career -- not just a job! -- for Chris.  A home of our own.  No longer wallowing in depression.   

Averie -- and our new baby boy we will be welcoming soon -- deserve better and more than what we have been giving.  I am nearly weeping with joy over finally feeling able to give Averie back the parents she had before our life went into this downward spiral.

I dare you to try to wipe this smile off my face.

HA, I'm so hyped up that I forgot to say HOW this even relates to the C-section *slaps forehead*.  Chris will be in mandatory training for several weeks and it's unlikely (OK, pretty much impossible) that he'll be able to take as much time off as we had originally planned, so it's better that we know the exact how, when and where of delivery so he can make arrangements with his new employer :).

Monster Baby! -- Maybe

No, our little guy isn’t really a monster, but he is shaping up to be a little linebacker! 

I had an ultrasound done today as a follow-up to my 20-week ultrasound and in the meantime, we found out that our baby boy is breech.  100%, not even close to being head down.  He is sitting up perfectly straight with his head in my ribs, and all those pokey movements that I thought were feet were actually me getting the ol’ 1-2 punch by his little fists instead!

Additionally, he is measuring as far ahead as five weeks, with his head clocking in at the same size as an average 39-weeker, when I’m just over 34 weeks along.  His torso is in the 37-week range and his femurs (thigh bones) are measuring at over 36 weeks.  My fundal height is also coming in at 39 weeks, despite lower than average weight gain thus far, so it’s safe to say that our little guy might not be so little after all! 

I’ve been experiencing a great deal of anxiety over the impending delivery, especially the how and the when.  Specifically, "how am I going to do this again?"  My labor with Averie was over 18 hours and I was flat-out exhausted by the end.  Now, with the MS and its accompanying extreme fatigue to contend with, I wondered if I COULD do another labor like that, physically.  And of course there’s always a question about the when, but for many reasons (that I’m not ready to share, sorry!  Maybe later…maybe :P), I was anxious about the unknown.

As soon as I saw these longer- and larger-than-average measurements, I was immediately nervous.  Averie always measured right on track, never ahead, she was just over 8 pounds at birth, and I had a very difficult delivery. Though I’m not a small person on the outside, apparently I am on the inside!   So if this one was measuring so far ahead, how much more difficult would the delivery be?

As I waited for the doctor to come in to discuss how we would proceed, I couldn’t shake the thought of a C-section.  It felt like it would be a relief.  And I, the biggest wimp who ever was, was not even worried about the recovery.  That’s sayin’ something!  Maybe it’s because recovery after Averie was no walk in the park either – I felt that I would be trading extreme discomfort in one area for extreme discomfort in another, so it was lose-lose.  Or win-win.  Whatever :D.  So we talked with the doctor extensively about the C-section and for all the reasons I mentioned, plus my medical history, my OB agreed that it was a good choice for me.

And with that, I was on the schedule :-).

I feel as if a huge weight had been lifted and all the anxiety has just faded away.  With so many uncertainties in life, it is an amazing relief to feel that you are making the best possible choice.  I have no doubts that this is the right decision, and Chris and I can’t wait to meet our son!